#like do yall remember the glass cupcakes

[overelias]

I never realized what it was like for millennials to deal with zoomers being like “Wow I wish I was around during the peak of one direction” or whatever. But now watching new fans of Voltron pop up on my feed with their art and fics….babies let me save you….

[nztsume]

• waiting for the big twenty-five •

homelander x you

{“Only one more year till the big 25. Aren’t you excited?”

This piqued at his curiosity. “What’s the big 25?”

“It’s when your brain finishes developing.”, you replied, remembering the information from back in the day, when you were still trying to get your Psychology’s degree. “Your frontal cortex- the one in charge of your personality and all- it stops growing at around 25 years old.}

Even if you’re just kind of a glorified baby-sitter, you just want to see him happy - instead, you accidentally make him worse.

read on ao3

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Hi yall!!! The voices won and I finally ended up starting to write the young homelander fic of my dreams where we find out how he ended up being the deranged insecure insane man we know and love!!

In this one, you're Madelyn Stilwell's niece who works at Vought- and have striken an unexpected soft spot for the company’s latest investment- this insecure, shy but sweet young hero called Homelander.

Enjoy!

• 1 •

July, 2005

Every single day, at exactly 5.30 a.m., Homelander was to be awoken by the smell of coffee on his kitchen table. The coffee had to be fresh, beans grinded that same morning, no sugar, no milk, no exceptions. To accompany it, he was to have his pills: two of creatin– for muscle growth, three of protein- to feed them, a weight gainer– so he would stop being so lanky, and an extra dose of vitamin D, to fight those pesky pimples guys his age still got sometimes. All of them should be in a small container, so he could swallow them at once with his first gulp.

Next to his coffee and his pills, he was to have a folder with any relevant document for the day- interviewer’s questions and the answers he was to give, profiles of important people he would meet, scripts for any ad he was to film. All of that, including his schedule for the day- except that was to be read to him by you. This is how Maddie had told you it had to be done, and how you’d done it since day one.

You looked at your wrist watch, holding his coffee on your hand- piping hot, just how you knew he liked it-  and you yawned, watching the thinnest clock hand go round it, as the last minute before you could walk into his apartment went by. 

Finally, it was 5.25, and you could already walk in- so you did. 

You weren’t exactly his maid- he had several of those, but none of them were to do anything to his apartment whenever he was around. He wasn’t to have much contact with the normal civilians, the normies- as Maddie called them. You preferred to reserve your opinions at that- your aunt had changed a lot since she had started working here. 

What you were was Maddie’s secretary- and Maddie was Mr. Edgar’s secretary- or something. There was a fancier title for that, but you couldn’t recall it. All you knew was that she was aiming for vice-CEO or something, as it was the only thing she talked about whenever she dragged you to a bar after office hours, and insisted on drinking glass after glass of whisky.

As you finished setting things up, you appreciated the result- his cup of coffee, his pills, his documents and ah, a special surprise. One big, obscene chocolate cupcake, the kind where the chocolate topping is so rich that it spills and drips all over, with one beautiful strawberry on top, and next to it, one single candle. You weren’t sure if chocolate was his favorite, but you knew he had a bit of a sweet tooth- so he’d appreciate it, at least some. 

Finally, you took out your red lighter and lit the candle- and less than twenty seconds later, you looked up- and there he was. 

"Good morning, John.”, you put the lighter back on your blazer’s pocket, smiling at him. 

He blinked- eyes still not fully alert, as he scratched them. They were boring holes into the chocolate cupcake, and you couldn’t help to smirk a little- you knew he’d be interested in it. 

“Is that for me?”, he asked, surprised, almost like a child- and you laughed. Ever since you’d met him, about five or six months ago now, you’d felt like he was younger than his actual age- there was something about the way he stood in the middle of his own massive penthouse, like a kid lost in a big, elegant furniture showroom. Alone, quiet and shy, even when wearing his own super suit. It didn’t help that it was actually way too big for one person, with its tall, tall roofs, marble everything and sleek furniture- much less for an overworked twenty-something with no time for a social life.  

“Of course.”, you assured him. “It’s your birthday after all, right? Happy 24th!”

He pressed his lips awkwardly, trying to contain a smile- but that didn’t work, as he let out a laugh, and finally came to the kitchen island, almost a skip on his step. You couldn’t help to be glad- finally this kid was getting some happiness in him.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome.”, you said, sarcastically, as he went to town on the cupcake, taking big bites out of it. He stopped for a second mid-bite, mouth full of chocolate, to look at you with a smile- and there was a gleeful glint in his eyes. Actually, that was enough of a thank for you. Anything that made that perpetual sadness that he always seemed to hold go away, even for just a few minutes, was worth it. You laughed at him. “Okay- just go for it. But don’t forget your pills!” 

“I can’t believe it- this tastes so good!”, he finally said, after taking another bite- in less than thirty seconds he had eaten half of it. Unbelievable! “Best birthday gift ever!”

“Oh- shush.”, you crossed your arms, leaning back against the counter, watching him take a big gulp of coffee. “Just wait until you see what Maddie has gotten you- it’ll blow your mind.”

“I don’t think it’ll be better than having chocolate as breakfast.”- he set the last bite of the cupcake aside, finally taking the pill container, and eyeing them with disgust. You sighed- perhaps if they let the kid eat his breakfast he wouldn’t need those nasty pills- it wasn’t like he wasn’t going to burn it off in the training center literally thirty minutes later. You didn’t know much about supe genetics, but they couldn’t be too different from normal people’s, right?

You yawned again, this time covering your mouth to the side, as you let him have the rest of the cupcake and his coffee. You liked to give him some minutes of silence so he could enjoy it properly- you knew that that’s how you liked it when you had yours.

This morning in particular, you just wished you had gotten to drink your coffee alone- but your fiance was just arriving from a shift at the E.R., and you had to deal with his graphic description of a dick that had been cut in half by a broken wine glass. You were still trying to forget about it. At least you lived close enough to Vought- just a ten minute subway trip away - so you didn’t have to wake up much earlier than that. It was just lucky you knew how to do your make-up on the move, another time-saving skill you’d learnt in your college years. 

You heard him drinking the last of his coffee- doing that big slurp noise he always did, and you finally decided to take the document with his schedule- ready to tell him about his day. 

He was tired -he always was, but today he seemed particularly so, even behind the hint of a smile the cupcake had left him with. You could tell by his posture under those cheesy button up burgundy silk pajamas, shoulders too slumped, hips rested against the counter. You weren’t surprised- according to Maddie, ever since they’d debuted him close to two years ago to the public, he’d been worked non-stop. It was only time until he broke, you thought- but you could never say it to her. Your aunt had always been too good at pushing people further than they could reach, and too good at seeing only ahead of her; John was just another one of her subjects. 

“Alright”, you finally said, seeing the subtle move of his shoulders straightening at your voice, “Ready to hear about your day, birthday boy?”

He groaned in response, the hint of his smile completely being wiped away, “I guess…”

You pressed a smile for him, but mentally frowned reading over his schedule- he was packed, of course. “What’s that? Not excited about being 24?”, they’d even put an interview right after his birthday celebration- his 1 hour long birthday celebration. They as in Maddie and Mr. Edgar. “Only one more year till the big 25. Aren’t you excited?”

This piqued at his curiosity. “What’s the big 25?”

“It’s when your brain finishes developing.”, you replied, remembering the information from back in the day, when you were still trying to get your Psychology’s degree. “Your frontal cortex- the one in charge of your personality and all- it stops growing at around 25 years old. So you get only one more year of acting like a dumbass without people holding it against you.”, you added that last one joke to make him laugh- it worked. He wasn’t used to people throwing curse words around him. “Congrats!” 

“Just one more year, huh?”, he said, more seriously than you expected. “That’s kind of sad.”

“No way- it’s great.” you shook your head, “After 25… it’s like your brain rewires. You’re not embarrassed anymore, you get some self-esteem back from when you were a kid.”, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself, remembering how stupidly shy you were back when you were his age. It wasn’t that long ago, really, just four years- but it felt like another lifetime, somehow. “10 out of 10, if you ask me. Anyway–”, you gave one more sigh, before turning your attention back to him, “Let me tell you about your day. So- it officially starts at 9.10 where you- oh. I didn’t know this. You’re getting a new suit!”

His eyebrows rose, “I thought that wasn’t until September.” 

“Hmm, maybe they wanted to launch it at today’s park inauguration for your birthday- which is at around 11.30, by the way. So you get your suit fitted and all, then it’s an one hour drive, and then the inauguration. After that, lunch, and after…”, she frowned. “You have to have tea with- with Margaret Pataki and her friends ...?” , no way they were making the kid spend his birthday with a bunch of rich old ladies that wanted to get in his pants. You couldn’t believe Maddie. What in the world could have they offered your aunt to get the privilege of The Homelander’ s time on his birthday? Unbelievable.  You huffed. “Well… too bad you have your weekly marketing meeting. You’ll have to miss it.”

“I thought that wasn’t until Thursday.”, he frowned, but there was a hint of relief behind his confusion. 

“It’s not-”, you shot a look at him, “But you should get to rest for a couple hours on your birthday, don’t ya?”, you winked at him- and then moved on, before he could protest any further. Better not to think about it too much, or you’d get extremely mad at your aunt. “And then… your birthday celebration!”

“You’re coming, right?”

You looked up from the paper, surprised at his sudden intensity as he cut you off. You found those crystal blue eyes boring at you- like you were another cupcake, expectating of your reply.

“ ‘Course.”, you simply smiled- surprisingly secretly pleased. You liked him- he was a nice guy, behind all the pizzazz that Vought put him through in front of the cameras. Perhaps too nice, in your opinion- there was some trauma somewhere in there, you could tell. But you didn’t weren’t close enough to him to recommend therapy or something, although you had suggested it to Maddie… who obviously shrieked at the thought of their golden child going to the shrink. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Johnny.” 

“Thank god-”, he sighed, rolling his eyes in sass, “If I have to deal with Stan or Madelyn or any of the other old farts there by myself, I’ll laser my own foot.” 

This made you laugh. It always surprised you whenever he showed a bit of bite, as it seemed like whenever he was with Maddie or Edgar, he seemed like the best behaved pupil in the boarding school- and whenever he was in front of the public, he was an absolute boy-scout. “Oh- come on. I’m sure Noir’s gonna be there too. I’m not your only friend here, you know?” She hoped so, at least. John seemed to like Black Noir, although his presence in the Vought building was far and apart, since they hadn’t officially re-debuted him under the company’s name yet.

He shot you one last skeptical look before taking the folder with the rest of the documents- this was your dismissal, and you took it. It was ten to six, and he had to be in the training center soon. 

“Anyway- I’ll take my leave. Maddie’s probably sent me my tasks for the day already.”, you heard a low distracted hum coming from him, already walking to the door. Before you left, you peeked at him one last time, before saying: “Happy birthday.”

He looked up just as you waved, and there was a hint of a smile in his face- good. You smiled back, and finally, slammed the door closed.

 

-

 

When you worked at Vought- more specifically, in their superhero division, every single day felt like standing in the middle of the sea during a storm- wave after wave of issues and tasks coming at you, suffocating you at times. Truth be told, you weren’t supposed to be working there- you were far too unqualified, both emotionally and academically. 

When your aunt Maddie had found out about your mother’s disease, she, of course, had refused to help her. She had always been resentful at how resentful your mom had been of her, at how she had chosen a professional life path while your mom chose to have you at just seventeen, dropping out of school to form a family. Just your average sisters’ feud, splashed with just a bit of new wave feminism and abandonment issues. However, knowing you had dropped out of college, Maddie was kind enough to offer you a job in her workplace- none other than Vought Enterprises. Big shot shit. 

She had told you that she wouldn’t make any promises, she wouldn’t work with you, and she wouldn’t slide you in with the big supes, where she worked. She had hustled her ass off to be where she was- she wouldn’t let your wormy little self run on the path she had so laboriously paved. You were okay with that- any corporation job would pay more than what you were doing in the dingy bar downtown where you’d been working since you dropped off college. Besides, you knew your aunt had never been all there- the love-hate she always showed you wasn’t personal, it was just a thing she did.

It didn’t help that you weren’t even more than seven years younger than her, so a lot of your childhood memories involved playing with her teen self. She was more a cousin than an aunt, to be fair. So there were a lot of things you could easily let slide- her insane mood swings was one of them. You knew she meant well- behind all of her power plays and degradation.

Either way, that didn’t end up happening- you working for a less important division, like pharmacy. As soon as she suggested Mr. Edgar to give you a job he was into the idea- he liked to keep things between family. And in hindsight, it was understandable. The things that happened behind the scenes for supes weren’t half as glamorous or exciting as they seemed to be on camera.

This morning had been particularly busy, the waves of work slowly turning into a tsunami, as Homelander’s birthday was a top priority for the entire department. He was the star, after all- had been for almost three years now. He was Vought’s face and voice, their personality. The bright eyed, all-american, charming, strongest to ever exist superhero. America turned into the shape of a man. Everything they’d ever dreamed, they were training into this twenty-something-year-old. Any excuse to celebrate him was good enough for them- because it was as if they were celebrating Vought itself.

That’s why you’d been running all over New York the entire morning. The tailor had managed to mismeasure John’s shoulders, somehow, and they needed two more of the handmade eagle feather golden shapes that went… well, you didn’t know where they went. You had only gotten the gist of it, along with a brown envelope to take to the goldsmith- any goldsmith that would get them done before 11.30 a.m., when Homelander was supposed to debut his new suit to the world, to mark a new era or something.

Luckily, it was 11 sharp as you ran through Vought’s main hall’s doors, and 11.04 as you knocked the costume division’s door on the 45th floor. You were breathless, knowing that he had to be on the other side of the city, to Fort Lee in less than half an hour- although seeing how tight they were, he was probably going to fly to the inauguration. The city council had granted him his very own children’s park after he’d saved a school bus from sinking into the Hudson a month ago, and they had chosen to inaugurate it the very day of his birthday. As if he had nothing else to do on that day.

Maddie opened the door, blonde waves all over the place, breath ragged. You knew the signs, she had been yelling at someone- and you were lucky it wasn’t you. You saw a flash of dark blue somewhere in the background and you knew it was John- and your curiosity was piqued. Would the new suit be too different? At least it seemed they’d keep his colors. 

“Where are they?”, your aunt demanded.

Wordlessly, you took out a fancy necklace case out of the bag you were holding, “I had to find a different place- our goldsmith was taking too long to decide whether he could do them or in time or not.”, you explained, as she snatched it off your hands and opened to inspect them. While she did that, you subtly went on your tippy-toes, trying to catch the new suit without her knowing. “I think they look just like the mold-so…” 

“Perfect.”, she concluded, slamming it closed, and she took one look at you, with those severe eyes of hers. “Go to the 72th. They need help with the party.” 

After that, she slammed the door on your face. Oh well- you’d see it later, hopefully. 

 

—

 

The 72th was a mess- as it always was, since it was the floor where most Vought only parties were held, the ones no outsiders should know about. Before, you would have thought that that meant something sexual- perhaps some sort of massive over the top superhero and congressmen orgy, the kind conspiracy theorists would talk about- but soon you found out it was not the case. Rather- it was the kind of party where millionaires would get drunk and discuss whether bombing another South Asian country would make them profits or not. You didn’t know which of the two types of parties were worse.

This time, though, at least the purpose of the preparations was much more innocent- just a small party for every person in Homelander’s life to celebrate him and his birthday. It was kind of impressive so many people showed up, in your opinion. It was the 4th of July, after all- most everyone would choose to celebrate it with their families at the park- or even just watch the fireworks from their TV at home. Instead, about twenty or more people were there, running around with you- decorating, inflating balloons, making every cookie in the dish look beautiful and photogenic. All for him- everyone wanted him to be pleased. You were sure that as long as he was allowed to eat enough of them, he’d be just as happy. 

One thing you ended up noticing about the attendees was the variety, or more like, the lack of thereof. Most people there were some of Vought’s scientists, the ones you only knew of by their pictures on the Vought’s Best wall. You wondered what they had to do with Homelander, or if they were there just for protocol. Maybe these were the kind of people Edgar wanted him to surround himself with. Important people- people who did good for humanity. 

And no, no Black Noir to be found.

Interestingly enough, even they were helping with the organization. Perhaps they were close, you wouldn’t know. You didn’t know much about John’s past aside from what you’d figured out by yourself- and what the public knew. 

Either way, he was about to arrive, and you were to get Maddie’s gift ready for him. The box was a bit too big for it- but it needed the space, you guessed. You just wondered if the box was necessary at all. 

Somebody heard the elevator sound starting to ding up- and began shushing everyone, as they started crowding around the room, hiding the big table with the cake and different foods that they had set up in the middle of the room behind them. You, of course, didn’t want to steal any spotlight from someone who could actually be important to him, so you placed yourself to the side, excited for him to arrive. You knew he was going to love this; he loved attention- even affection, as much as he tried to hide it.

The elevator finally dinged on their floor, and the doors opened, and-...

“Happy birthday!”, everyone shouted- only for Maddie to come out, her heels clicking as she saw on her that particular face she made when she scolded someone- her words drowned by their scream. Everyone made a confused noise- wasn’t it supposed to be…?

Then- a massive spot of blue walked in- a young man with wide shoulders, an unhesitant stroll and perfectly coiffed blonde hair- clad in an imposing red and blue suit. Homelander.

You began singing Happy Birthday- loudly, completely drowning everyone’s confusion and whatever Maddie was nagging the young supe about- and everyone was super quick to join. And you had the pleasure to see John’s face go from a slight frown to a bright expression- as everyone sang for him- claps and even stomps to go with it. 

But… there was something off in his smile as he started recognizing the faces around him. You saw his eyes go through every person in the room with a strange restraint- like he was holding back something. Then- they fell on you, and they stayed there, somehow, it seemed that it made that off feeling fade off. You clapped and sang more excitedly.

“Happy birthday, dear… John-Homelan-Johnny !”, everyone laughed, as nobody quite knew how to address him, “Happy birthday to you!” 

You saw him laugh- eyes looking around in surprise at the decorations. Everything was red, white and blue- with lots of golden details, that had been your touch. They were the expensive kind, but anyone could tell they weren’t set by professionals. You thought it added a homey touch that he’d enjoy- and he did, as he quite didn’t know what to do with himself, with his hands, as everyone clapped and whistled for him. 

“Oh-!”, he finally said, “Thank you- thank you, guys!”, he was trying to play it cool, calming them awkwardly. 

After that, the short event officially started. The attendees started mingling amongst each other, coming up in groups at times to talk to John, who seemed more interested on whatever was going on on the food table. You had caught him eyeing it from time to time whenever he was left alone for a second or two, as if he was deciding whether he could have a treat or not .

Meanwhile, you were busy guarding Maddie’s gift- which was secretly the only reason you were here at all. Not by your own volition, of course- you’d obviously come to John’s party if it was up to you. But… somehow, you felt that without your aunt’s express invitation it would have created problems for you. Sometimes it felt like Maddie got insanely possessive of the kid- as if anyone could come and snatch him away from under her management and steal her progress doing that. You didn’t quite know- all you really knew is that whenever you made a small observation, offered a small detail you’d noticed about him, she responded incredibly bad.

It wasn’t too bad, though. At least you were saving yourself from awkward conversations with strangers- plus, sometimes John caught your eyes and smiled at you. He had even tried to make his way to you a couple times, always interrupted by a new group of people who called for his attention.

He looked good in his new suit, you had to admit. A far cry from the leotardish one-piece he had before- that only worked to accentuate his still teensy physique, still too skinny and lanky for what he was supposed to be Edgar’s final vision of him- this new suit was magnificent. It looked like it was a two piece, for once- which he was probably thankful for- held by a strong golden (gold?) belt, and a high collar, covering just enough of his neck to draw attention to the slight v line it formed. He had some padding, she knew that- but it was just enough, not to transform his actual size, but to accentuate it. He looked more mature, more secure in his skin, and it showed - even if just a little bit.

Either way, you could hear her gift getting more and more agitated by the minute- so it was a relief when you heard her voice loud, commanding everyone’s attention.

“Let’s open your gifts, John.” Maddie said, coming up from behind and slapping a hand on his shoulder, making him jump a little. 

The party moved to the gifts table, where a small pile laid. You dutifully took the box you’d been guarding on the corner of the room and started walking it by it with a bit of difficulty, mostly because it kept moving all over the surface- but also because it was making your nose itch.

By the time you had gotten there, John had already started opening some of his gifts. Someone got him an insanely expensive wine you knew he wasn’t even going to try, and someone else a piece of pottery. It was hard to make someone like him a gift- what could you even get someone who could have anything? Not that John ever asked for anything, though. But he could- and everyone was aware of that. Vought made sure they were.

As soon as Maddie saw you with the box, she took it from your hands and walked up to him- and the second he turned to it, his face illuminated. 

“A dog?!”, he took it from her almost immediately, sitting on the floor with it on his lap- hands fighting to open the wrapping as soon as he was settled. 

“Oh John!”, Maddie scoffed, annoyed, “You spoiled it for everyone else!”

He didn’t seem to hear her though- entranced on the unwrapping, and you couldn’t help to hold your hands together on your chest, excited with anticipation. You were sure he was going to love it.

And as soon as the little guy jumped from inside the box- you know he did.

“Oh, lord!”, he exclaimed, as the small dog started barking and twisting in his grasp- as excited to see him as he was, its tiny tail wagging so hard it was moving its entire little body with it. “Oh, my god!”

The dog, a small Jack Russel with a big, brown spot over one of his eyes, barked excitedly, and you were sure you could see John’s eyes shining with tears, sat on the floor while everyone else aww’d at them. You could tell that- for once- he had forgotten about the people around him, as he let the puppy jump on his legs, on his chest, licking his face, sat back on his hands, as if he was stopping himself from squeezing the little thing. He was happy, so happy , and the dog was too.

“I can’t believe it!”, he gasped, again, as he finally decided he needed to pet it, getting rid of the thick gloves that his new suit had, grabbing it with both hands. The puppy barked at him, tongue out, and a laugh escaped from his mouth. “You’re the cutest thing I’ve seen in my life !”

The puppy wriggled its way out of his grasp, and jumped at his face again, licking him- and everyone aww’d once again and clapped. You finally unglued your eyes from the adorable scene to your aunt- and she looked incredibly pleased with herself. You would be too, this was probably the first time you’ve seen him actively elated.

Suddenly, she was startled by something- and you saw her hand going to her blazer’s pocket, picking her cellphone in a second. As she walked away with it, you took a step closer to him- and he turned to you.

“Did you know about this!?”, he asked, incredulous, fighting against the dog’s excited licks, “I can’t believe it!”

You couldn’t help the smile on your lips as you saw him. “Obviously. I went to pick him with her!” you crossed your arms over your chest- still remembering the horrors of the testing lab you’d gone get the poor dog from. It had been a month ago, and the dog had stayed with Maddie until now, “He was not the youngest puppy in the uh- adoption center but…”

“Shush, he’s perfect.”, he interrupted you, holding it to his chest, and turning to you, “What’s his name?”

“I’m not sure actually-”, you turned towards where your aunt had left- and you saw her smiling into the phone, a small skip on her step- and you knew that body language. She was sucking up to someone on the other end of the line. “We could ask Maddie if she named him when she comes back.”

But as you said that, Maddie actually came back- almost running in the short steps her heels allowed.

“Let's get this over with”, she whispered to you, as she walked by you taking over the center of the small round that Had formed around him, “Hey, everyone! Let's cut the cake!”

Everyone agreed happily- but you frowned, running to follow her as she went to the food table, already starting to make space for it. You knew that this was supposed to come at the end of the party, but not even half an hour had gone by yet- what was she doing?

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw John's eyes shoot from you to her to Edgar, as he as well tried to figure out what was going on.

“Maddie-”

“Seems like his birthday interview got delayed a couple hours”, she whispered to you excitedly, almost like a secret, “Guess who'll get to make up for his fatal mistake of not seeing Mrs. Pataki and her friends!”

A sense of disgust immediately took over your stomach, as you realized why she was so happy. She was making John spend time with those women after all- she was going to get him to butter them up for Vought On his own fucking birthday. 

“Go help with the cake.”

You felt sick.

Behind you, you heard John approach and Madelyn’s arm immediately shoot to get a hold of his forearm and guide him to the center of the table, the dog still in his arms.

Suddenly, a lot of things started happening simultaneously. Edgar was on the scene now, - a cameraman that you’d seen wandering about the event next to him - finally caring about this party at all, as he seemed to be giving him directions about how to encapsulate the happy event. 

Maddie, on the other hand, stood next to Homelander- whose eyes seemed far, as he heard whatever she was telling him, his lips pressing in some sort of emotion you didn’t have time to figure out, eyes looking far away from the scene unfolding. You got closer, as you started fixing the cake decorations, and got to hear some of it.

“And you'll show off your fucking new suit and tell her ‘ You like it, Margie?’ like she's the woman of your dreams, okay? She needs to go home and tell Pataki that Vought's doing great things while she considers divorcing his ass. You need to make up for the time you made her lose, John.” she was instructing right next to his ear, and he seemed more out of it by the second, “You'll be so fucking sorry to her she won't doubt for a second that you made a honest mistake with your schedule.” 

People started gathering as well- their loud chatter surrounding them like a massive beehive, buzzing so close to the table it was even starting to make you dizzy and desperate, as you fought to make one of the star decorations stay up. One of the scientists came up to you with a lighter, offering to turn the single candle on and you nodded, mindlessly as your focus kept shifting to him, and the way his gaze dissociated more and more- and you were actually worried now. You’d never seen him like this, not this badly. 

“Homelander!”, Edgar called, his serious nasal voice adding a new layer to the buzz, just like the scientist's lighter he couldn't get lit on. “Move one step to the left and turn a little, the lighting's bad there!”

“Seriously - apologize like a fucking dog, you hear?”

“Fuck”, you cursed under your breath- snatching the lighter yourself and trying- getting to turn on.

The camera started snapping- and it added another layer. A group laughed loudly in the background. Edgar kept giving needless instruction. The dog started wriggling, running out of his grasp. Madelyn kept barking into his ear.

“You'll lick her feet- and…”

And you could almost hear it before it happened. 

“Madelyn, I fucking GET it !”

The loud high sound- the sound his lasers made.

The crowd gasped, shocked- but more importantly, the dog started fucking screaming in pain.

“Oh- no!”

Someone screamed- and all hell broke loose. John ran from the table to the side- where his laser had left a dark, charred line that ended with… with the poor puppy laying on the floor, bleeding and crying. You ran after him.

“Oh no- no, no, no, no…”, he was on his knees, and you fell next to him as he whispered the words to himself, holding the poor thing as it wriggled, its loud shrieks vibrating in your ears. His hands were starting to get covered in blood, and its fur was so bloody- flesh so mangled you couldn't make sense of any of it. “No- please !”

You were speechless, shocked, and the blood was draining from your face by the second. “It was an accident!”, you were immediate to comfort him, but his eyes were glued to the animal- unable to think, to do anything, “It was an accident, John, and-and…”

You looked around- but nobody thought like you- nobody else was stepping up to comfort him. Instead, everyone stared in… fright , taking fearful steps away from the scene like he was a monster- and that made you so insanely mad.

“I-I killed him!”, he exclaimed in horror. “Oh, God, I fucking killed him!”

“ No, you didn't! ”, your hands went to his shoulders, shaking him a little as his eyes filled up with tears- and your heart was going a mile a minute, “He's crying ! He's still alive!”

“N-no, no, I-”

“John!”, Maddie’s voice shouted- and you looked up to see her walking to you, angry, as she got out of her shock, “What the hell was that?! Are you insane?! Are you retarded ?!”

He turned slightly to her, eyes full of tears and remorse and pain- and you couldn't take it anymore.

You stood up like a spring and took a step between them.

“Madelyn!”, you looked at her in the eyes, heart still drumming, “ Are you fucking serious?!”

You saw her eyes widen and her mouth fall open.

She started sputtering your name, visibly shaken. You'd never ever had spoken like this to her. She was always the one that was right, the one whose decisions just weren't questioned.

“Y-you stay out of this!”, she finally managed, and tried to push you to the side- but you slapped her hand away.

“No, I won't! Not this fucking time, Aunt Maddie.” you stood your ground, stomping a foot.

There was a rage in you burning- and you instantly realized this wasn't just about this, right now. This was a rage that had been slowly burning- building up these last six months as you'd witnessed how they treated this kid, how they exploited every single second of his time. How tight his leash was. How simply sad and alone he looked all the time.

It had been burning since your mother had been diagnosed with that heart condition- and how ironically heartless her sister had been to her. How she'd offered you the job the same way someone offers leftovers to a starving stray dog, and how you had to swallow your dignity and take them.

It had been burning, you'd even say, after the first day Maddie had started this fucking job, and how she blew you off when you went to her apartment with a cake you'd made her to celebrate it- saying she had coworkers over and she couldn't deal with a child like you here, too, as if they were too important for you to even see them.

She growled your name one last time, “You're about to lose your job.”

“Then fucking do it, Maddie.”, you hissed back, feeling venom in your voice, “Fire me. Fire me! Who wants to work in a company that depends on how much they can exploit some twenty-year-old, anyway? Oh, but the second he makes one mistake you all look at him like he's a monster, right?!”

You couldn't help to turn around, including everyone in your rant now- every single person that was important in John’s life, who was looking at him like he was going to laser them next. Him, who was still holding onto the crying puppy, hands drenched in his blood.

“Don't look at him like that! God- look at him ! He didn't do it on purpose! You all pushed him to do it!”

You felt frustration building in you- as your eyes started to burn as well, angry. No, you couldn't let yourself cry, you needed to speak up!

You saw Maddie about to say something else when someone took a step forward- Mr. Edgar.

“Okay, okay everyone…” he had his hands raised up, voice infuriatingly calming and imposing. “Let’s calm down. You-”, he pointed at a random woman, who jumped at his calling, “Take the dog to the fifteenth, there must be a vet somewhere there.”

The woman quickly stepped forward- a middle aged with a messy bun hanging off of her head- arms in front of her, ready to take the still wailing dog from John while putting the most distance from him she could. Your eyes followed the movement as he extended the creature to her- his hands still shaking. For some reason, as this happened, you felt absolutely insane- like you were some schizoid character In a movie, and everyone else was just watching your crazy rants unfold. 

“And you- miss… Stilwell?”, he continued, turning to you- and as you shook your head (you didn't share your aunt’s last name, thank you ), he held a hand up, like he didn't actually care about that, “Why don't you take Homelander here home? He's still a bit shaken.”

And you're the only one here not afraid of his lasers, seemed to be the tacit rest of his request. 

At that, you stood straighter, facing him as a bitter bile pooled in your throat - desperate to keep jawing off about all you've been keeping, seeing these last months, about every single thing that they'd knowingly been doing to him- but you held back for him. Edgar was right, he needed to get away from this,  he needed some peace- and perhaps not to have to spend his birthday with some old lady who would be pawing at him all night. 

You swallowed it and nodded at him, chest still out and shoulders squared, like you were a shield and shot one last look at Maddie.

She was boring holes into you- mouth in a thin line, dark blue eyes unblinking in anger, hands fisted to her sides. You knew that look, your mother had been the end of it one too many times. But unlike her, you did not relent- and Maddie should better get used to it.

Then, you simply turned, falling to a kneel once again, as you grabbed his shoulder. His eyes were on you as well, those clear blue eyes, still watery, still shaking. His hands were drenched in blood, as was the rest of his new suit- he looked so small in that moment, so scared.

“John?”, you let your voice fall into a soft tone. At your call, his eyes tuned into an emotion you couldn't quite decipher- aside from intense gratefulness, “Let’s go home.”

[tlexx]

Bake Me (Danny x f!Reader) 18+

Summary: Danny helps you bake and it turns a little messy. 18+

Warnings: Oral F!Receiving, Penetrative Sex. Bad Puns

A/N: This is an idea I baked up (haha) with the help of the biggest Danny hoe I know @stardustdanny . No taglist of pure smut. But, yall know I can’t read my own smut so sorry if there are typos :)

Your kitchen was extremely messy - like extremely. Sprinkles, flour, chocolate chips, vanilla extract, every baking ingredient you could think of was covering the granite counter top of Danny’s kitchen. You had promised him that you would bake his birthday cake this year, it was his favorite. But, when the Kiszka boys caught wind of you baking they had many requests of their own - cookies, cupcakes, cannolis, pie, and you couldn’t really say no. It was one of your biggest flaws, always being a people pleaser and not saying no when they asked for your sweet treats.

Danny told you multiple times you didn’t have to spend one of your only days off baking, but you insisted. You were three hours in on your epic baking marathon when Danny came back from practice. Seeing you wearing a messy pink apron, with your hair and face covered in flour made him smile sweetly to himself. You looked absolutely insane, in the cutest way possible.

“Hey cake boss!” He called from around the corner, making you jump slightly, spilling brownie batter on the counter, “how are you doing?” Danny was teasing you, already knowing your answer by the state of the kitchen.

“Cookies are done and so are the double chocolate cupcakes, working on Jake’s marble brownies now, then I’ll make Sam’s vegan vanilla cupcakes, then finally, and most importantly, your birthday cake!” You spoke fast and your body followed that pace as you pointed out your unorganized work stations. Even though your lips were curved into a smile, Danny knew you were stressed and overworked. Your boyfriend always was able to tell your emotions before you even processed them, one of the many reasons you loved him.

“Wanna slow down there?” You were vigorously whisking butter into the batter, ignoring what he asked.

“It’s going to be a good one. I think I want to make it a naked cake, with fruit and buttercream.”

“It sounds delicious, but really Y/N, you don’t have to do all of this.” Danny leaned his body weight on the counter, careful to not stick his elbows in anything.

“You deserve it.” You finally stopped baking so you can really look at your gorgeous boyfriend. He was looking up at you through his long eyelashes, making him look even more perfect. You set the glass bowl you were holding down and just take a moment to stare at him. A blush forms on his cheeks, yet he doesn’t break eye contact. “I could use some help…”

“I’d love to help you!” Danny stands up straight and gathers all of his hair in a bun on top of his head. You always liked when his hair was pulled out of his face so you could see his chiseled features more. After washing his hands he moved over to stand by you waiting for your clear instructions.

“Can you pass me the-“ before you finish your question Danny wipes a stripe of batter across your cheek. “You’re supposed to be helping me!” His laugh was contagious, so it was no surprise that you started in on your own fit of giggles.

“I don’t know what you mean, I am helping!” Danny brought the finger that still had some batter on it to his mouth and licked off the remnants. He caught you staring at the way his tongues wrapped around his finger. “Darling, quit staring. We’ve got work to do, remember?”

“Mhm yes sir.” Even after being with him for such a long time, your stomach still fluttered when he called you darling. Depending on his tone of voice the pet name took on many different meanings. Out with friends it was used as a sweet term of endearment. Now in the bedroom, it was used as a way for you to know who exactly was in control.

His eyes momentarily flash darker when he hears you call him sir, another name usually kept for the bedroom. Danny looks at the batter that is still on your face, slowly he wipes it away with his finger and brings it to your mouth. “Taste it.”

You followed his demanding instructions, wrapping your lips around his digit. You made sure to keep eye contact with him while you dipped your head. Danny sucked in a sharp breath when you slid your tongue in a circle to collect the chocolate. He pulled his finger from your mouth gently, releasing it from your mouth with a slight pop. “It’s good,” you say as you turn from him to focus back on the brownies - much to his disappointment.

Danny moved himself so he was standing behind you. His hands sensually ran down your sides to grab your hips and pull you back into him. You could feel how your little show affected him already. “I think I need another taste.” Danny’s lips ghosted over your neck as he spoke, causing goosebumps to erupt against your skin. He gathered more chocolate on two fingers and ran them down the side of your craned neck, the brownies were . The cool sensation made you inhale deeply. Your eyes flutter close when he methodically licks a stripe up your neck. “It might be missing something.”He whispers before nipping your ear lobe.

“What is that?” Your voice was shaky. Just by his simple touches, you were already needy.

“Not sure, I think I will have to keep taste testing it.” He placed a quick kiss to the top of your then untied the back of your apron. You were completely frozen in anticipation of his next move.

“Danny, I should-”

“Shh. Darling, you need to relax.” Once the apron was discarded in the corner of the kitchen, he spun you so you were facing him. “The oven is making it hot in here.” He feigned innocence. Danny was such a tease - he loved nothing more than seeing you flustered. He gripped the back of his shirt and ripped it off in a fluid motion.

“Aren’t you hot?” With him standing over you, he had to look down to look in your eyes. You were unable to speak. So, you just nodded your head calmly, even though your insides were lighting up at the sight of his naked torso.

“Let’s fix that.” The pads of his fingers danced up your waist under your shirt. Knowing what he was going to do, you lift your arms so your boyfriend can strip you of your oversized shirt. He helps you shimmy out of your lounge shorts, leaving you in your bra and underwear.

“You’re such an amazing baker, Darling.” He cooed. Danny was complimenting you to distract from the fact that he had once again dipped into the uncooked brownies. Jake wasn’t going to be happy that his treat would never make it to his table, but, right now you didn’t have a care for anything other than what your boyfriend had planned.

Danny ran his fingers across your collarbone, quickly followed by his tongue to clean your skin. “So beautiful.” He praised every part of your body that he licked the brownie batter off of; your chest, your stomach, your thighs. Your hands were clutching the granite to keep you from falling due to your buckling knees from seeing him on his kneeling in front of you.

“Danny..” While he was preoccupied, you coated your own fingers in the sweet mix.

“Hmm?” he hummed against your skin as he trailed a line of pecks back up your stomach. Once he peers up at you, you press your fingers to his lips. “That wasn’t nice darling. Now you have to clean it off.” Danny stood up with a batter covered smile.

Standing on your tiptoes, you kiss him. It wasn’t a gentle kiss - it was hurried and full of passion. Your tongue glides against his lips to do what he asks. As his hands were clutching at your hips, yours were exploring his toned stomach. Making sure he doesn’t break the kiss, he lifts you and places you right on the counter - your bare ass was now covered in flour. Danny grabs your wrist to move your hands behind his head. With your hands no longer in the way he is able to press his body flush against yours. “You know,” he didn’t completely break the kiss, just spoke in between pecks, “I know of another sweet treat.”

His hands were now firmly on your knees to make sure you were unable to close them. “Is this okay?” he asked as he knelt down back to his knees. Every time you slept with Danny, he made sure you were okay with everything he did. It was important to him that you knew you had as much control of the situation, no matter how rough he got.

“Yes, sir.” You knew what you were doing, purposefully using his favorite name. A low guttural growl left him when his face was aligned with your soaked through underwear. Your legs instinctively found their home draped over his shoulders. His fingers left indentions in the meat of your thighs as he squeezed them. “My favorite snack.”

Danny feverish dove in. He placed a wet open mouthed kiss on the cotton of your panties, sighing contently at how wet you were. Your stomach clenched at the small sensation. “I barely have touched you,” he teased as he pulled your underwear to the side. “What do you want, Darling?” One of your favorite things about Danny in the bedroom was how vocal he was, but right now you wanted him to put his lips to a better use.

“Eat me.” You meant it as an insult, however, he still complied. With a flat tongue, he licked upwards, flicking his tongue once he reached your clit. You grab his bun and lightly press his face into you more. You can feel him smile in between your skin at your reaction. He laps at your clit with deliberate movements of his tongue. Your back arches making you begin to slip from the counter. So, Danny tightens his grasp on your things and bares more of your weight on his shoulders. He keeps a consistent pace, already knowing exactly how you like it.

“Danny, you’re so good.” Your speech was breathy and sensual, eliciting Danny to moan as well. Taking your clit in his mouth, he begins to suck lightly. You interlock your ankles together behind his head, squeezing his face further into you. Danny looks up to you, but all he can see is the delicate skin of your neck. Your chest was heavily rising and falling, enticing him to reach out and clutch your breast. Annoyed with the barrier your bra was, he flipped it up further on your chest. Your nipples become harder from the cool air, giving Danny more to play with. He twists and spins one between his fingers, giving it just enough pressure before it becomes too painful. “Fuck, Danny.”

The added sensation of nipple play pulled you closer to orgasm. You knew that Danny was aware of this by the way your inner thighs were shaking against his cheeks. For his coup de grace, he pointed his tongue and gave your sensitive bud a few more kitten licks. The knot in your stomach burst, flowing ecstasy through your body.

“That’s it Darling, come for me.” Danny coached you through your orgasm, leaving encouraging kisses on your cunt. Once your body stopped convulsing at his touch, he arose to meet your gaze once again. “Turn around.”

“Wha-”

“I said turn around.” Without another peep, you turned to face the mess on the counter. Your mind slips and begins to think about all that is left for you to do. Before you could form a game plan for what is left, Danny’s hand smacks down on your ass. A cloud of white flour puffs into the air and you yelp at the sting. He places the hand on the back of your neck and coxes you forward - your bare chest was pressed into the batter that you spilled earlier. “You need to learn to relax.” Another slap to your ass made your hips hit against the counter, effectively leaving bruises.

“Yes sir.” You felt him press into your ass. At some point, Danny removed the rest of his clothing. The feeling of his hard cock made you jut your hips back into him.

“Darling, we need to take these off first.” He kisses down your spine at the same time he removes your panties. Now that you are completely exposed to him, you spread your legs so he has more room to wiggle himself in between them. “Are you-”

“Just fuck me already.”

He laughs at your impatience, “Alright, Darling.”

With your last orgasm still slick on you, he easily thrusts into you. Both of you moan in unison as he fills you. Danny wastes no time, before he begins snapping his hips against your ass. With your body stuck between him and the counter, he was able to have more leverage for his harsh thrusts. “You’re so perfect wrapped around me.”

The tip of his dick brushes against your sweet spot, your legs wobble at the feeling. Danny wrapped an arm around your waist to keep from falling. “I’ve got you.” His voice was harsh, like he had just run a 5k. You bury your nails into his forearm, needing to anchor onto something.

“Darling, you’re so wet. I love it.” His hand leaves your hip and travels to the base of your head to pull your hair back. You whimper at his aggressive touch, “does that feel good?”

“Yes Sir.” You spoke only an octave over a whisper. Your reassurance coerced him to give you longer, deeper thrusts. “Please don’t stop.”

Your pussy was throbbing against him now, giving him a tighter passage to pass through. “I don’t know how much longer I can last Darling, you’re pussy is just too perfect.” It never ceases to amaze you how Danny was able to hold a full conversation while fucking you. You expect it was from the fact he was in great shape from vigorously drumming.

Danny’s thrust never became sloppy when he was close, but you could always tell when he was ready by what he did next. Danny pulls you by your hair so that your sweaty body is pressed against him. In a loving action he kisses your shoulder, but then sinks down on it with his teeth. Your shoulder was always littered with bite marks and bruises, telling everyone around you who you belonged to. “Come with me.”

Never one to disobey, you let your second orgasm rush through you- moaning and cursing his name. You felt Danny pull out and finish on your back, “Fuck Darling, you’re so good.”

He remained still for a moment, allowing himself to revel in his post orgasm haze. After a content sigh, he grabs a dish towel and cleans off your back. You were taken aback when he began laughing.

With knit together eyebrows and squinted eyes, you turn and ask: "What are you laughing about?”

Like a teenage boy, he lets out a squeal. “Baby batter.”

“You really need to stop spending so much time with Sam.”

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[seongwhy]

ateez reaction the their crush making the first move

hongjoong

hongjoongie !!! would be so happy !!! that you felt that way about him !!!!

he didnt make a move bc he didnt wanna make u uncomfy :(( so he disregarded his feelings for u

unknowingly to him, u like him back !!!

but since this lucky man didnt get the hint (and with all the touching and attempted flirting you're surprised he didnt)

you decided you had to make the first move

but being all nervous and shi ,, you gotta plan it out

just like hongjoong u dont wanna make him uncomfy !! yall the same mfs

so what u planned to do was grab some takeout and bring it to hongjoong when hes producing an chat him up an shit

and once u get to his place and have him all alone your heart starts racing

and so does his !!

and you're eating and laughing and has showing you a beat he just made

and you put your hand on his leg and hes like big eyes blushing and his mouth drops a lil

and you're like 'this is rlly good hongjoongie' bITHX HES CRYIGN

IM CRYING

and you lean in and kiss him on the corner of his mouth and hes just

'o-oh thank you' he says

and u smile at him and ask him to show you more

he takes a second to recover but blushes even more

and ur ready to kiss him til he stops blushing

so u do

but he doesnt

seonghwa

seonghwa tries his best ok

he just really likes you

so he ends up stuttering and tripping and literally falling for you

like oh one time he was trying to bring you water and he got too excited and was running and some of the water from the full glass fell on the floor and he just slid right on that shit

thank god you had your back turned talking to yunho bc holy shit he didnt know what hed do if u saw that

but the rest of the boys will never let him live that down

'hyung, remember when u fell trying to get water fo-' 'shut up wooyoung'

but seonghwa is just a shy lil boy around you fam

and it's not like you didnt notice bc hed be rlly chill rlly calm and funny when he doesnt know you're around

and then he sees you and hes all 'o-oh hi I'm going to go w-wash the dishes' he cleans when hes stressed

and when u ask the boys what's up w him they're like '..... are u dumb'

anyway after that it was just so obvious

youd catch him staring and make eye contact and hed look away so fast

but you didnt miss dem red ass cheeks

and you honestly like the attention he gives you

and when he gains a little confidence around you and makes a joke or does girl group dances or smth

you cant resist him

so one day you go over to the dorm and tell all the boys that they're all gonna have to leave so that u can get seonghwa to yourself

and they reluctantly agree bc 'but I'm tireddddd'

and when seonghwa gets home hes like . where is everyone.

and you're like 'oh them??? they just went to the store to get snacks I'm sure theyll be back soon come watch this show w me'

and hes like ,,, right

and you're just smiling and nodding and patting the seat next to you

so he sits obviously sweating

and you're watching this show and hes watching you

with every laugh nd movement his stomach coils a lil

and after a bit you look at him

and you're looking at each other

and you're eyes are watching his lips and you just say yolo and go for it

hes taken aback at first but leans into it

and you're a rlly good kisser

then you pull back nd hes looking at you with the prettiest smile on the prettiest face you've ever seen

'thank u' he says 'for what?' 'for that'

'just kiss me again dummy'

yunho

puppy!! lil baby boy!!!

ok so like the first part , let's say you two have been besties for a while now

and it's just a mutual attraction and mutual liking ykno

but yunho doesnt want to mess up the friendship you guys have by trying anything

the members are all 'bruh she likes you back' and hes like 'nuh-uh you're lying'

like.... they told u sis

and one day wooyoung tells you like.. listen sis yunho has a crush on you but he refuses to do anything abt it bc hes worried itll ruin your friendship that I wouldnt even call a friendship bc of all the sexual tension but wtvr

and you slap him across the chest for that last part but

wait,,, yunho has a crush on you ?????

'are u sure ???' 'yes, bITCH ARE U BLIND'

blind w love babyyyyyyyy

this is groundbreaking news bc what the heck your longtime crush and bff likes you back !!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

so one day bc you guys are honestly just so comfy around each other and you've been holding back for so long theres no reason to delay this any longer

you walk up to his room where the door is closed and knock on it (u guys have a special knock)

and he opens and you latch onto him and kiss him

tangling your hand in his hair and clutching the shirt hes wearing

and he immediately kisses you back

no hesitation

but then

'guys. I'm still in here. like im happy for u but god just do a quick room check next time will ya' san says walking out of the room shaking his head

you both blush and turn to look at each other

yall laugh then shrug your shoulders and yunho says 'are u sure abt this? I dont want to wreck what we have'

'I'm more excited about what we're gonna have baby' you say, and he smiles, nods and leans in to kiss you again hehehehehe

yeosang

ok dis man loves his chocolate

and you know that so .. you decide to make him sum desserts!! a whole bunch

bc you LIKE HIM

and u want him to LIKE YOU

and the best way to get yeosang to fall for u is by giving him chocolate right

but what you didnt know is that he already likes you (shocker!!!)

so you bake up some brownies and cookies and cupcakes and idek other chocolate tings

and bring them all over to the dorm for him to try

and hes so excited !! 'chocolate!!! for me !!!!'

'yes !! all for u yeosangie'

he just looks as you in awe and love

and picks up a fork ready to take a bite

he stops tho and looks at you and licks his lips

and you blush but laugh

and he puts the food in his mouth and just dies because its SO GOOD

and hes just mouth open eyes wide 'holy shit'

'what?? you dont like it'

'nonononono I LOVE IT'

and he runs around the kitchen counter and hugs you so tight

'thank you!! this is amazing!!' he says looking directly into your eyes

'youre amazing' you say

'what?' he says 'o-oh nothing nothing I didnt say anything'

',,,, you just called me amazing !!! omg YOU JUST CALLED ME AMA-'

hes cut off by you pressing your mouth against his

he pulls away and says 'what was that for?'

'I had to get you to shut up somehow'

yeosang laughs and leans down towards you but gets cut off again!!!! this time with a 'omg are these cookies??????'

',,, get out mingi'

san

bruh yunho looks so funny wtf

sannie is such a happy boy :(

his life goal is making you laugh or smile

he just wants u to be happy!!! and his smile is so contagious!!!

and that's why you fell for him

and now everytime he makes u laugh or smile or smth a lil bit of a blush creeps up your cheeks

san doesnt seem to notice tho but you're ok with that

n e way

yall get along rlly well

hes the reason you're at the dorm every friday night for movie night

and someone chooses a horror movie

its scawwy

and san (tho also scared) sits next to you so he can whisper jokes to u throughout the movie

through hushed giggles and smiles at one another u realize u wanna be in a relationship w this guy

and the next time you're at the dorm, you decided nows the time to make it happen

but when u see san he doesnt seem like himself hes slouched down on the couch cuddling with his stuffed animal staring at the tv screen with nothing playing

when he sees you walk over to him he perks up a lil but not like he usually would

so u sit next to him and ask what's wrong

he fiddles his thumbs and doesnt look at you

so u rub his shoulder and put your other hand on his thigh and ask him again

this time he just looks at you

'I'm sorry' he says

'for what?' 'you're not smiling and it's my fault'

'san!!!! it's ok you dont have to be happy all the time!!!! especially not for me'

his head hangs and he sighs

you lift his head and kiss him slightly

'its ok' you whisper

instead of saying anything back, he leans his forehead to yours

you kiss him again

and again on his lips cheeks forehead nose hands

and by the end of it hes shyly smiling

'there it is!! theres my boy'

he hugs you and for the rest of the day you stay snuggled up on the couch

that day it was up to you make him smile

and you did !!!

mingi

mingo mango

the gif is what he looks like whenever you're near him

hes always whining for you whenever you're not

and when hongjoong sent you a video of mingi doing just that you though it was the funniest thing ever

'I wish y/n was here you're all a bunch of losers' 'you guys suck!!! I miss y/n'

freakin hilarious

this is something u love making fun of him for

liek damn mingi am I that special? I didnt know u liked me that much? u got a crush on me mango?

and u notice that whenever you ask that question, no matter how much of a joke it is, he never gives you an answer

but u dont rlly think about it until you start developing a crush on him

at first it's like,, oh what a baby hes so cute eating the food I made for him

and then it's like wow I wish he would dance on me like dat me too sis

and then u start complaining whenever hes not around 'wheres mingi?? I've been waiting for like an hour' nd 'ykno what would make this even better? mingi'

and everyone is like ok we get it u like mingi

and when mingi catches whiff of this oh boy it's over for you

'so ig it's me that's special now huh?' he tells you one night

'what?' 'u gotta crush on meeeeeee y/n's gotta crush on mingiiii'

and you roll your eyes because . idiot

but then step closer to him and say 'maybe I do'

and that's when his eyes go wide 'wait rlly???' he asks and you can hear the hope in his voice

'all I'm saying is that if you kissed me rn I wouldnt be opposed' is what you say back

and kiss you he does

wooyoung

ok so wooyoungie and u

have such blatant chemistry

yall are constantly flirting and idk yall just click

but u dont notice it

I mean u see the eyebrow wiggles and sly smiles some of the members give u

but all that does is confuse you

one day when wooyoung is in the washroom yunho says 'so you nd wooyoung huh?'

and you're like ...huh

yunhos like 'u dont like him? all yall do is flirt'

and when he says that a whole wall came down in your head

a wall blocking you from accessing emotions of attraction and love and shit you're emotionally scared sis

and you turn firetruck red

yunho just laughs and says 'I knew it'

wooyoung comes back and asks what's going on

'I'll just leave u two alone' yunho says chuckling

you glare at him as he leaves youre gonna get him back for that

but wooyoung doesnt sense anything and swings his arm around your shoulders pulling you into him

and he asks what you wanna do for the night

but you're quiet and distracted with these new feelings you've just found out you have

wooyoung asks if you're okay

and you look up at him but suddenly cant look at him in his eyes. his really pretty eyes

so you turn around and go to grab your stuff bc you 'forgot abt that... thing' you have to do

wooyoung, confused watches you scurry across the room

'uh.. ok.. I'll see you tomorrow?'

'yeah yeah see you' you say not looking at him

you just need to figure your feelings out and then you can see him again

so back home you're racking your brain tryna figure out if theres anything you can do to stop yourself from falling in love w wooyoung

and speak of the devil, u get a call from wooyoung

u contemplate not picking up but decide that wooyoung is still your best friend

'hello?' 'y/n!!! are you ok?? you left really suddenly earlier' 'yeah wooyoung I'm fine dw'

'are you sure? we dont want the prettiest person alive to feel sad now do we?'

you open your mouth to say something back but nothing comes out

'y/n?'

you feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you ask 'are you still free?'

'uh for u? always'

blushing even harder now you say 'I'm coming over' and end the call

once you get there you're knocking on the door frantically

wooyoung opens up with a 'jeez y/n what's the ru-'

you basically jump on him and kiss him hard

you latch your hands onto his shirt nd he wraps his hands around your waist

when you pull away for air, wooyoungs looking at you with a smile on his puffy red lips

you smile back and say 'that was the rush'

wooyoung smiles harder and pulls you back into him

'took you long enough'

jongho

jongho cant believe u two have met

you're one of his favourite new idols

and you met at a show

and you told him how amazing ateez's performance was

blushing, he tells you how much he likes your music

you ask him if hes hungry to which he says yes bc 1) hes always hungry and 2) he cant say no to u ever

so u buy him one of those sandwiches w the jam and the coleslaw or wtvr you know what I'm talking about

and you sit to talk and eat for a while before you have to leave

you ask for his number and tell him you'll call him sometime

and you do

all the time

at first hes shy and boyish which makes you laugh

but after a while he gets comfy and will brag and sing to you and joke

you guys catch each other up on everything

he tells you all about the boys and the boys all about you

and you realise how good a listener this guy is nd how handsome!! and cute

and so at the next show you see him at you walk up to him

and with your heart doing flips and take his hand and tell him to walk around with you

he does and you lead him to a less busy hallway where you just look at him and say 'I like you'

jonghos like... wait. huh. what. wait i- and hes blushing so much even his ears turn red

'me? you like me? bc I like you too and if you're joking or something I would be really sad and I've told the members that I like you and they made fun of me so this would be great of u did like me but if you dont and this is a joke id be really upset' and hes rambling and not looking you in the eye

so you lean in and kiss him

'it's not a joke' you say

'its,, not a joke? are you sure?' 'I'm sure'

'you're sure' 'are you going to keep repeating everything I say? or are u gonna kiss me again?'

jongho, blushing even harder now, chooses the second option

[wherethewindtakesher]

actually all qs cuz I wanna get to know u :) boink!

OF COURSE BOINK ANON!

I will be excluding the ones Ive done (:

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Wine glasses/water bottles c:

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Bubblegum! im not really a big fan of cotton candy tbh.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? for some reason, soda from plastic cups hit different 😞

7. earbuds or headphones? headphones in the winter, earbuds in the summer.

9. favorite smell in the summer? the smell of my oncoming de- the smell of flowers blooming.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? it depends, some mornings I skip breakfast all together, others i’ll have a light snack, or I just have some cereal or make an egg.

12. name of your favorite playlist? ‘Recently added’

13. lanyard or key ring? landyard so I can find my keys easily. I still lose it tho-

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? spicy or sour candies are dope a f.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? The first book I read that I actually enjoyed was twilight.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? with my legs w I d e open because I cant sit properly.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? my tan/floral converses.

18. ideal weather? cloudy, cold, and raining 😌.

19. sleeping position? on my stomach, leg raised to my abdomen while the other is in the open air, and hands underneath my pillow. the BEST.

21. obsession from childhood? picking my scabs-

22. role model? my mom and sisters.

24. favorite crystal? garnet. It’s also my birthstone! I have it as a gem for my class ring.

25. first song you remember hearing? “bidi bidi mom mom” by selena quintanilla.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? if it’s not scorching hot, go on walks.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? snuggle up in a blanket and watch movies.

28. five songs to describe you? ‘humble’ kendrick lamar, ‘cry baby’ melanie martinez, ‘stupid’ ashnikko, ‘paparazzi’ lady gaga, ‘or nah’ ty dollar $ign.

29. best way to bond with you? send me M E M E S-

30. places that you find sacred? my bed.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? ripped jeans, boots, a crop top, and a jacket.

33. most used phrase in your phone? fuck.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? that empire carpet wash commercial.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? DAT BOI.

37. suitcase or duffel bag? duffel bag.

38. lemonade or tea? how about both of them combined 😉.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? I hate pie 🙊

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? someone brought a gun and it fell out of their backpack during 2nd period.

41. last person you texted? @caws5749

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets. BUT THE DEEP ONES NOT THOSE SMALL FUCKING ONES.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodies or a bomber jacket.

44. favorite scent for soap? Lavender.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? superhero!

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? naked-

47. favorite type of cheese? queso fresco.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? mango.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “im a bad bitch you cant kill me”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? anytime my friends and I joke around.

51. current stresses? school, personal issues, and my NEW JOB THATS RIGHT YALL YO GIRL EMPLOYED.

52. favorite font? calibri.

53. what is the current state of your hands? kinda rough but smooth.

54. what did you learn from your first job? that people fucking suck.

55. favorite fairy tale? little red riding hood.

56. favorite tradition? eating tamales during christmas time.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? that im not perfect, my flaws are just as beautiful as my perfections, and that im just ug-

58. four talents you’re proud of having? im not talented aT ALL. uh...

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? ‘let’s fuck ‘em up’

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? sasuke from naruto or mey-rin from kuroshitsuji.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? “see you in a minute”

62. seven characters you relate to? natasha, cristina yang, dexter, ford, thor, scott lang, and tony.

63. five songs that would play in your club? ‘bodak yellow’, ‘man of the year’, ‘rockstar’, ‘bickenhead’, ‘slumber party’.

64. favorite website from your childhood? I forgot the name but it was that educational site with the orange robot and human.

65. any permanent scars? my entire body is riddled in scars no joke.

66. favorite flower(s)? hibiscus and roses.

67. good luck charms? my dog’s name tag.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? onions-

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? that cracking your joints won't give you arthritis.

70. left or right handed? im mixed handed but I do the majority of stuff with my right.

71. least favorite pattern? plaid.

72. worst subject? MATH FJSKSJKFSJS I HATE IT.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? have yall tried chocolate milk with chicken nuggets-

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 8-9 because I tend to fight back and not admit there is something wrong going on 😬.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? 2nd grade I believe.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? for some reason my love of tater tots has come back.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? uh cacti?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from a gas station cus im not trying to die-

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? oh man, I look like shit in both of them. School id.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? ive never seen either 😔.

82. pc or console? i’ve own consoles for most of my life.

83. writing or drawing? writing. I cant draw very well.

84. podcasts or talk radio? podcasts! I listen to ‘last podcast on the left’.

84. barbie or polly pocket? barbies! did anyone make their barbies have sex or was it just me-?

85. fairy tales or mythology? mythology. yall don't know this but I have fallen into the greek mythology rabbit hole-

86. cookies or cupcakes? I fuck heavy with cupcakes TILL THIS DAY.

87. your greatest fear? to see those I love die.

88. your greatest wish? to be happy.

89. who would you put before everyone else? myself.

90. luckiest mistake? guessing on a question and getting it right 😎.

91. boxes or bags? i’ll go with boxes. it makes everything easier to stack and organize.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? fairy lights are so pretty.

93. nicknames? clown by @caws5749, bottom by @domromanoff, and variations of my real name.

94. favorite season? fall/winter TIMEEEEE.

95. favorite app on your phone? mario kart. if anyone wants to be friends give me your friend code-

96. desktop background? it’s black with a colorful smoke cloud exploding.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? mine and my oldest sister’s because she has had that same number since I was in the WOMB.

98. favorite historical era? I would say the WWII era since ive studied more about it than any other era.

UPDATE; this would've been done last night but my screen decided to just crash and not save anything I had done and my girl sent my ass to bed so I couldn't finish it but here ya go boink!

[singingunderthecurtain]

Secret Santa [Pt. 1]

Author: julietsoddeye AU: coworker Genre: fluff | light comedy | office romance Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader Word Count: 1,578

Plot: #exodecembercollab18 Prompt #4: Your office Secret Santa gives you something you certainly weren’t expecting. You’re positive when you found out who he is, you’re gonna punch him in the face.

A/N: This is a collab work with @thesammtimes for @exo-writers-net #exodecembercollab18 event! You can find Samm’s work [here] READ IT YALL!

For this year’s Christmas potluck, you all decided to do it in your boss’ house instead of the same old boring office. Junmyeon volunteered to host this year since his bachelor pad is big enough to house all twelve of you in the team.

The house even has a patio and a pool. But it was too cold tonight so you stayed indoors.

Gosh, how much is this man’s salary? It must feel great to have this much space. You thought as you and Chanyeol look around the place to check every room you can.

“Any plans for the holiday?”

Chanyeol nonchalantly asks as he takes selfies in front of Junmyeon’s different kinds of Star Wars figure set collection. You just dumbly follow him around with nothing to do. You’ve been working for the company for two years already but Chanyeol is the only one you’re most comfortable with.

Kyungsoo is nice, but he mostly keeps to himself. And he sometimes glares you down like you murdered his dogs or something when he doesn’t wear his glasses, so you’re kind of afraid of him.

Joy and Irene were really nice girls, but they were also too beautiful that you can’t relate with them on any level and they intimidate you and constantly blind you with their grace.

Jongin too, the Adonis of the office. You don’t dare interact with him unless he initiates it. Some girls from different office floor visit your department for no reason just to get a glimpse of him, that’s totally not creepy at all...

Sure, you’re civil towards everyone, even the ever annoying Baekhyun, but you and Chanyeol are like two peas in a pod, he is your work best friend. You two are kind of the weirdos, but everyone at the office is nice to you.

“Nah,”

You paused, letting out a single puff from your lips.

“My parents forgot that they have a daughter again.”

“Why?”

He asks, snapping another photo now holding a Yoda figurine. Wow, the resemblance is quite uncanny…

“Well, they planned a whole trip until the New Year’s without me again, so…”

“Wow, two Christmases in a row?”

You cross your arms in front of your chest, pout growing bigger.

“Hey, kids it’s time to open presents!”

Junmyeon’s head suddenly pops out by the door frame, his smile was so huge with his cheeks flushed you can tell he has had a few drinks already.

As you reach the living room, you see everyone has their gifts already. Two decorated paper bags sitting prettily on the space of the couch you and Chanyeol previously occupied.

“Should the latecomers open their gifts first?”

Baekhyun blurts out when he saw the three of you emerging from Junmyeon’s home office.

“Ladies first.”

“Fine.”

You grumbled as you snatch the paper bag that has your name on it from Chanyeol.

You’re not exactly excited to know what’s inside the bag. You’re lucky if you got picked by any of the girls in your team because usually, only girls put effort into exchange gifts like these.

Hell, even Chanyeol and Junmyeon asked for your opinion on what to give their giftees. You have to find out what people liked for the three of you.

Slowly pulling out wrapping tissue papers one by one, the first thing you saw was a white envelope. Inside was a basic as hell Christmas card with even more basic greetings printed on it.

“You might need this. Sincerely, your Secret Santa.”

You read the card.

What you pull out next made you lose color on your face.

“Oh my gosh…”

Junmyeon tipsily giggles as he slaps his mouth shut, trying to stop himself from losing control of his laughter.

“IS THAT BAKING FOR DUMM—”

“SHUT UP, BYUN BAEKHYUN!!!”

You screamed, countering Baekhyun even before he finished what he was going to say as if it’ll save you from the already impending embarrassment.

Memories of last year’s charity bake sale came flooding back to your mind.

It wasn’t your fault you have suddenly been bombarded with emergency work a week prior the Office event for your company’s chosen beneficiary!!!

“Is this from you, Baekhyun?! Are you my secret Santa?!?!”

You accused, he’s the only one you know who was brazen enough to do this to you or to anyone at that! Baekhyun is known to pull pranks around the office, he probably thought about this stupid gift even before he found out who his giftee was.

Most of your coworkers are silently snickering at you and the Baking For Dummies book in your hand. Some, aka Junmyeon, Baekhyun and even freaking Park Chanyeol are straight up laughing shamelessly out loud.

It wasn’t your fault that you literally ran out of time and wasn’t able to ACTUALLY bake something for the charity drive! You opted to buy pre-made plain cupcakes at the store and just decorated the sweet treats yourself.

Everyone was so impressed by the cupcakes you brought until ONE freaking customer pointed out that the cupcakes taste exactly like the ones they always buy from Walmart.

Everyone found out your purchase and you were the butt of every joke for a few solid months. Baekhyun especially didn’t let you hear the end of it!

God! It was awful. Your actual baking skills and pride were hurt.

You tried bringing different cookies to work, but they never believed you made them yourself.

Even Chanyeol ride in on the joke. So much for a best friend!

“No, it wasn’t from me!”

Baekhyun continues to laugh, his cocktail spilling all over Junmyeon’s carpet.

“I don’t believe you!!!”

“Trust me, I would brag about it if it was from me.”

And you believe him. He would totally gloat about him pulling this stint. He is a proud mischievous little devil.

“Chanyeol?!?!”

It’s now your best friend’s turn to be blamed.

“I literally showed you the person I got the moment we get to pick the names!”

You turn to Junmyeon this time.

“You know who I got!!!”

Before you can even accuse your boss, he already has his hands up in the air as if he’s surrendering to something.

“I swear I will punch the shit out of whoever gave me this!”

“That was already three chances, next gift!!!”

Irene exclaims!

You silently sulk in your seat as they all continue to laugh and be merry.

Out of nothing at all, when it was Kyungsoo’s chance to open his present, he cleared his throat before facing your direction.

“It was from me—”

He paused as he simply and directly declared.

“The book, it was from me.”

He continued. His big eyes staring right into your soul.

Seriously, right in front of your salad?

Everyone fell mute.

Everyone was both shocked and amused that the quiet, never really speak much unless really important or spoken to first, usually reserved and gentle Do Kyungsoo would pull something like this.

When you said you’re kind of afraid of him, well it’s different now.

You’re just straight up bitter. I guess Baekhyun is the better person now, huh?

How could he?

The audacity!

You don’t even speak much!

You don’t remember a day that you sat down and had a conversation with this man.

“Hey, you okay?”

Chanyeol raised a single brow at you as he shakes you awake from being idle.

You must have frozen down or turned into stone.

You wish you could turn into a stone so you can throw yourself at Kyungsoo.

Wait, NO! That’s nOT WHAT YOU MEANT!!!

“Do Kyungsoo-ssi, I am so offended…” _

“Ohooo, she’s offended. Kyungsoo what are you gonna do?”

Baekhyun incites, adding fuel to the fire.

“That is so rude.”

Joy whips up jokingly as well.

Everyone has some type of alcohol in their systems except for you. You are Chanyeol’s designated driver.

Maybe Kyungsoo as well, you haven’t really seen him drink anything other than water and the fruit bowl punch.

Maybe they spiked the fruit bowl punch, that’s why he’s so bold to go forward about the blunt gift.

“I’m good at baking, okay!”

“i’M gOod aT bAkiNg, oKaY!”

Baekhyun repeats after you in a playful mocking way and everyone laughs, including Chanyeol… ESPECIALLY CHANYEOL, WTH?

“Guess you didn’t see the back of the card.”

Kyungsoo purses his lips into a thin line.

Your boss snatches the Christmas card that came with the gift from you and flips it back, showing what looks like a chibi drawing version of him with a speech bubble.

“Would you help this dummy learn how to bake?”

Junmyeon reads and his face immediately turns smug.

“Ooooooh”

Both Irene and Joy said and gave the same smug look as Junmyeon.

“I wanted to give you something nice, like a necklace or something. But you might find it creepy so I asked Jongin what to get you and he suggested that.”

Kyungsoo pointed at Jongin who in turns scratched the back of his head and gave you an apologizing smile.

“I always knew you’re great at baking, cuz I haven’t found those cinnamon roll sugar cookies you brought last time anywhere—”

He explained some more and you were out of words.

“And I wanted to learn how to make them, so…”

Completely speechless.

“She has no plans for the holiday...”

Chanyeol answered for you with a shrug. Making you turn to give him the look.

“It’s a date then.”

Everyone howls happily, wolf whistles and teasings left and right.

Aikie Masterlist | Michiko Masterlist | FIC RECS | FIC REC SIDEBLOG

[thewritingstar]

98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃

*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE. 

don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go. 

smh

i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit

enjoy bitch

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

-Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

-both im a sugar addict

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

-bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

-prob either really quiet or really loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

-I hate soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

-I really like pastel and goth styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

-earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

-Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

-Vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs

12. name of your favorite playlist?

-Shower lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

-lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

-Great Gatsby

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

-apple sauce or on one leg

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

-all black converse

18. ideal weather?

-warm and sunny

19. sleeping position?

-stomach, side, in a ball

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

-Laptop or phone

21. obsession from childhood?

-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food

22. role model?

-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic 

23. strange habits?

-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)

24. favorite crystal?

-answered

25. first song you remember hearing?

-American idiot- Green Day

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

-Eat 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

-Eat

28. five songs to describe you?

-idk Cartoon theme songs lol

29. best way to bond with you?

-make me laugh or talk about disney

30. places that you find sacred?

-Flower gardens

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

-anything with my high heel boots

32. top five favorite vines?

-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27. 

33. most used phrase in your phone?

-YEET, Yall and bitch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song 

35. average time you fall asleep?

-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

-suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

-raspberry ice tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

-dont like lemon in my desserts 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)

41. last person you texted?

-my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

-Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

-HOODIE

44. favorite scent for soap?

-Vanilla or tropical

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

-Superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)

47. favorite type of cheese?

-I fucking hate cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

-Strawberry or Lemon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins

51. current stresses?

-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household

52. favorite font?

-comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

-Still have both of them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

-That people are assholes 

55. favorite fairy tale?

-Disneys Rapunzel 

56. favorite tradition?

- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

-Already answered

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

-A really cool and cute magical one!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina

62. seven characters you relate to?

-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can

64. favorite website from your childhood?

-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall

65. any permanent scars?

-only emotionally 

66. favorite flower(s)?

-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too

67. good luck charms?

-petting my dogs. 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring. 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)

70. left or right handed?

-right

71. least favorite pattern?

-those ugly ones on leggings.

72. worst subject?

-Math or english (haha and i like to write)

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

-when i was young 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

-Any bright flower or ivy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

-coffee, dont like sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops. 

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

-Jewel

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

-Fireflys (arent they the same?)

82. pc or console?

-Console 

83. writing or drawing?

-Both but im better at writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot. 

84. barbie or polly pocket?

-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou

85. fairy tales or mythology?

-oooooooofffff cant decide

86. cookies or cupcakes?

-oooooff i love both but cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs

88. your greatest wish?

-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others. 

90. luckiest mistake?

-hmmm idk being born

91. boxes or bags?

-depends on what im carrying but prob bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

-I love fairy lights

93. nicknames?

-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want

94. favorite season?

-Spring and Summer

95. favorite app on your phone?

-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum 

96. desktop background?

- Its items from super mario and mario kart

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

- Eight

98. favorite historical era?

-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.

hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰

[thatqueerchoirkid]

i dreamed of this a while ago so it might be a bit wrong but it's mainly correct because of how weird it is i just kinda remember it

okay so i was in my moms bathroom specific i know but whatever i was going to the bathroom and i heard a small meow so i looked around and i found a really small kitten so i felt bad for the kitten and so i put it in my big sweatshirt pocket with a key i also found and then i walked out of my moms bathroom and i noticed there was people like outside in our yard like we were having a barbeque or something with friends but like more idk man so i went outside and my brother asked if i wanted a cupcake it was the small "bite size" kinda btw and im like thats weird but sure so he gave me the one with the messed up frosting and i was like dang rude and then i was like bruh did you do that on purpose and he was like yeah lmfao and so then there was a giant climbing rope just floating in the sky?? in the middle of our patio thing we have one outside but its not like fancy or anything like idk if any of yall go to the gym or ever did gymnastics (i used to so thats probably why it was in my dream lol) it was like one of those thick ropes you climb up to work on your muscles or grip or whatever the fuck you do on those besides haha climb up anyways people were like hella dumb about it so i went up there and climbed it and i was like yea thats how you do it yall are stupid sdgjnk anyways after that i was like magically teleported or whatever the fuck your brain does when you change locations in a dream so now i was in the basement of a old couples house and apparently the husband was a citrus hoarder?? like fucking fruits??? like there was just stacks and stacks of limes, lemons, etc there but it wasn't gross or anything it was hella organized and none of them were rotten etc so its like he was using them but nobody knew how or why anyways i was talking with the wife and she was like "yeah i don''t know either he's a bit crazy lol" and im like lol yea OH AND I STILL HAD THE KITTEN IN MY POCKET ALIVE SO IT WAS LIKE THE SAME FUCKING DREAM JUST SOMEWHERE COMPLETLY ELSE anyways i took a small orange and gave it too the kitten :] and then apparently gordon ramsay was there like the dude thats famous for being good at cooking and telling that one person they're an idiot sandwhich yeah him he was there but he was a conductor??? like there was a fucking band there sitting in the basement playing music while we were talking to some dude who hoards citruses (yes only citruses) it was weird though and then you know those wine glass holders in bars or whatever the little racks that hang from the ceiling or a cabinet that the wine glasses like hang upsidedown on those?? YEAH so those were there in the basement but there was a bunch of instruments hanging on them??? like they were made for them but irl thats not a real thing like you know the bottom part thats bigger i forget what its called but like the bell part that gets wider on the trumpets clarinets etc yeah they were hanging from that and there was just so many of them??? in different colors too?? like all the fucking shades of colors and hues and shit i don't know how man but if you wanted a certain color instrument i bet it was there and then i remember i chose a dark ish green clarinet and started playing it for some reason like dark green isn't even my favorite color i guess it just looked pretty (also i used to play clarinet so it's not THAT weird)

and idk man thats where the dream ended so yeah have fun reading that lmfao and no i didn't go over it or edit it or whatever so have fun with the typos swearing and me saying "just" or "like" a lot <3

also just realized i have the fucking weirdest dreams or imaginary or brain or whatever the fuck makes dreams happen

What dream do you remember most vividly?

OH GOD THIS IS GONNA TAKE A WHILE asdgjnkdsnjgsd do y’all actually wanna hear it because it’s hella long and HELLA weird

[neptunecove]

rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

hey so i was tagged in this by @zigsexual and @gayforgayle (thanks yall) and i’m prob not gonna tag 20 people because everyone has kinda done this but wOO

THE LAST:

1. Drink: lemonade 2. Phone call: my mum 3. Text message: my best friend telling me to use skype more often lol 4. Song you listened to: homemade dynamite by lorde,, a queen 5. Time you cried: 10 minutes ago bc of school

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: NOPE

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: NOPE

8. Been cheated on: NOPE 9. Lost someone special: haha…. yes 10. Been depressed: hahaha… yes 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: NOPE

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. YELLOW 13. pale orange 14. maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes surprisingly!! 16. Fallen out of love: no have you noticed that i’ve NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP 17. Laughed until you cried: yeah!! just last night actually 18. Found out someone was talking about you: uhmmm i cant remember from the top of my head but im sure its happened before 19. Met someone who changed you: yes heheh 20. Found out who your friends are: idk if this is a good question or a bad question.. but yeah?? 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have 11 friends on facebook no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all eleven of them 23. Do you have any pets: i have two fish that i’ve had since like 2014 without names 24. Do you want to change your name: if you asked me this two weeks ago i would of said yes but now im slowly getting comfortable with it (for people who don’t read my tags my irl name is aiesha lol)

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: we had a lil party at school because my friend is extra but it was soooo nice she made cupcakes n everything :’’) 26. What time did you wake up: 12:30 i hate myself 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to find jake fanfic loool 28. Name something you can’t wait for: ME TO LEAVE SCHOOL 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 8 mins ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my inability to make friends 31. What are you listening to right now: a plane flying across my house cause i live next to a FUCKING AIRPORT 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i think?? what kinda question is this 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: umm my room but i have no motivation to clean it fhgjrfi 34. Most visited Website: TUMBLR HA 35. Mole/s: yeah a fuckin mole right below my right nostril and i hate it 36. Mark/s: i have severe eczema so YES 37. Childhood dream: to be a ballerina… guess what little me you’re not even bothered to go pee at night how are going to become a dancer 38. Hair color: bROWN 39. Long or short hair: i’ve always had medium-ish length hair but im trying to grow it out atm… but still SHORT HAIR 40. Do you have a crush on someone: i wish 41. What do you like about yourself: haha… um… idk 42. Piercings: NONE i was going to get my ears pierced when i was a baby but i got sick that day and we ever went back oops 43. Blood type: i dont even know 44. Nickname: allie, ish, alicia, POOKIE 45. Relationship status: sin..gle…. 46. Zodiac: VIRGO AHAHAH 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show/s: b99, jtv, the mindy project, orphan black, rpdr, riverdale (i have a love/hate relationship with that show) and oitnb 49. Tattoos: nAH I AM 15 but i love them alot and definitely will be getting 1 50. Right or left hand: right!!! 51. Surgery: never 52. Hair dyed in different color: omg.. purple,, burgundy, ombre, and blonde but i never want to talk about my blonde phase 53. Sport: FUCK OUTTA HERE

55. Vacation: new york or egypt 56. Pair of trainers: lol i own 4 pairs of shoes probably my vans

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: what does this mean?? fav food?? pasta 58. Drinking: LEMONADEEEE 59. I’m about to: prepare for school sad face 61. Waiting for: my glo up 62. Want: money 63. Get married: EVENTUALLY maybe when im not FIFTEEN

64. Career: i’ve always wanted to be a photographer but rn being a cartoonist/illustrator sounds fun fun fun 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs!!! 66. Lips or eyes: eyes for sure 67. Shorter or taller: since im like 5′2 taller 68. Older or younger: older or younger WHAT 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: um?? arms i guess?? 71. Sensitive or loud: how am i both sensitive and loud 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship of course 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant as fuck

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: NO 75. Drank hard liquor: NO 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: NO 77. Turned someone down: NO 78. Sex in the first date: NO 79. Broken someone’s heart: i dont?? think so??? 80. Had your heart broken: NO 81. Been arrested: NO 82. Cried when someone died: fun fact i have never experienced somebody close to me passing away so.. no… but if we are talkin about tv shows… michael cordero.. why 83. Fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: lol no 85. Miracles: i guess so?? 86. Love at first sight: maybe??? im young i dont know anything about love 87. Santa Claus: i never believed in santa.. whoops 88. Kiss on the first date: on the cheek?? yeah 89. Angels: yep yep yep

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: I HAVE TWO jasmine and freya <33 91. Eyecolor: brown 92. Favorite movie: omg okay.. get ready… the curious case of benjamin button, creed (michael b DADDY), the fundamentals of caring, revolutionary road

i tag @elenasanchez @michellenguyens @pixelbatsy @gplaychoices @fyeahjanethevirgin @endlessraj @everythingchoices @krystas @jessicamckenzie @strider-sister @whatchoices @ducitora @heart-jake @heart-drake @eleanor-waverley @pbophelia and @pbstar !! ignore this if you’ve done it haha

[kittensinsocks24]

god I hate live action Beauty and the Beast: a roast post

I'm sick of yall telling me I gotta like this glitter glue cupcake and that if I don't I'm a monster. Here's a list of everything I hate personally and you can't stop me *Oh my God the beast face. Ooooh my god. They reduced his animalistic features so he no longer has the trademark hunch, lowered brow, or tusks. He has little baby vampire teeth. Pathetic. Give him tusks you cowards *Because they reduced that it looks like a human face with a large nose photoshopped onto an uncomfortably large buffalo head and it made me queasy every time he was on screen *Nearly all the object servants have hollow soulless beady eyes which also weirded me out to the point where I wanted them off the screen as soon as possible *The camerawork for Evermore suggests it's supposed to be sweeping and grand but why in God's good name did they go through all the trouble and effort into writing a bland and inferior version of If I Can't Love Her that isn't musically interesting and doesn't reach the high notes it should. Go listen to If I Can't Love Her and then Evermore and tell me which one is better. Spoiler alert. It's not Evermore. *Everything is so extra. Please let me rest. Literally does everything need 3 layers of tarnished gold filigree. Leave my eyes alone *Cry "practical simple elegance" all you want, that dress looks like a $100 Macy's prom dress and was clearly designed for easy merchandising. At the very least give her the gloves oh my god *why the F U C K would you take out the iconic stained glass intro for live action *Emma Watson can't sing. If they did put the Broadway songs in, no way could she pull off Home. She can't do it. No harm in it but she wasn't cut out for these songs *They put the cut line about growing a beard again back in which implies Belle is a massive furry and into ripped buffalo men *Lefou being gay is fine. I'm glad Disney at least attempted some kind of representation after all these years. But I really wish that his happy ending A: wasn't a short 2 second clip at the end and B: Didn't involve the other guy being from a man-in-a-dress joke that the audience was seemingly supposed to laugh at because that seems to imply that Disney thinks men trying feminine clothing and liking it instantly makes them gay which is giving me very bad 1990s Will and Grace vibes which should not be going on in 2017 *fuck i hate the beast's big weird face *I don't know if it's just me but the CGI makes it look like there's a bigger age gap than there really is which also worsens the terminal case of Big Weird Face syndrome *Lumiere is cheating the curse because he's technically just a tiny brass man. *Don't know why Plumette has a bird face. That was freaking me out too *Court composer maestro piano man is giving me very deep and horrifying flashbacks to the Tim Curry CGI Organ Guy from enchanted christmas and I never want that to be remembered *Beast's big lumpy photoshopped uncanny valley baby fangs lumpy lump face on his lumpy head *removed illiterate Beast subplot *no Human Again. It's been 15 years. At least give me that Long story short I will unapologetically hate this unnecessary cash grab for the fraud that I believe it is, knowing all the while yall ate it up and we're gonna have to sit through more years of excessive live action remakes because of your collective buffoonery. If you like it, fine. I can't stop you. But at least know the reason it was made wasn't out of popular demand.

[frnkierxo]

Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

@cemeteryrat tagged me in a thing a bit ago and welll imma do it now becos why not, thank u friend :)

honestly... tagging 25 people? nah idk ill tag @undertcw, @imnxtgerard-iprxmise @mortecode @penceybrats @no-fun-club @tealroots if any of u guys wanna do it but if you dont want to, thats ok too! c:

LAST:

[1] Drink:

- water :/

[2] Phone call:

- probs @imnxtgerard-iprxmise

[3] Text message:

- was from my mum

[4] Song you listened to:  

-  “The sky under the sea” PTV

[5] Time you cried:

- TODAY WHEN I PUT A CURTAIN WIRE THING THRU MY EARLOBE AHHH

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice:

- no

[7] Been cheated on:

- no? maybe pff

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it:

- yah

[9] Lost someone special:

- idk tbh

[10] Been depressed:

- HAH

[11] Gotten drunk and thrown up:

- nah

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] really vibrant red

[13] velvet??

[14] forest greeen :0

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] Made new friends:

- jah

[16] Fallen out of love:

- yea

[17] Laughed until you cried:

- um everyday

[18] Found out someone was talking about you:

- yes lmao

[19] Met someone who changed you:

- yes!

[20] Found out who your true friends are:

- mmm it changes yo

[21] Kissed someone on your Facebook list:

- i guess haha

[22] How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:

- most of them (if not all)

[23] Do you have any pets:

- not anymore :((((( BUY ME DOGS PLS

[24] Do you want to change your name:

- yall should call me Fern

[25] What did you do for your last birthday:

- i got a vegan gf cupcake., highlight

[26] What time did you wake up:

- 6am, then 6:40, then 7:00, THEN 8:30

[27] What were you doing at midnight last night:

- listening to music n staring at my ceiling as usual

[28] Name something you cannot wait for:

- to finish high school pff

[29] When was the last time you saw your mother:

- 5 minutes ago idk

[30] What is one thing you wish you could change about your life:

- the absence of dogs and my home. like, i wanna move.

[31] What are you listening to right now:

- “yeah boy and doll face” PTV.. im listening to them on shuffle rn so u got me at a good time pshhakjs

[32] Have you ever talked to a person named Tom:

- NO :0

[33] Something that is getting on your nerves:

- currently im cold af so that

[34] Most visited website:

- yah this hell site

[35] Elementary:

- sucked

[36] High school:

- sucks (present tense)

[37] College:

- will suck (future tense) wow look i can Grammar, thanks School

[38] Hair color:

- mines naturally dark brown idk

[39] Long or short hair:

- i think i look best w short hair but im growing it out for some reason??

[40] Do you have a crush on someone:

- um more than that

[41] What do you like about yourself?:

- dont ask me this rn ahaha

[42] Piercings

- i have my lip pierced and my earlobes stretched to 00g

[43] Blood type:

- i dunno but i wanna know!

[44] Nickname:

- too many haha

[45] Relationship status:

- im in one!

[46] Zodiac sign:

- aries sun and moon o shit

[47] Pronouns:

- male pronouns

[48] Fav TV show:

- the weather channel (im jk i might as well throw our tv out the window)

[49] Tattoos:

- i have one on my left foot! :) im probably gonna get another in April?

[50] Right or left handed:

- righty

FIRST…

[51] Surgery:

- nun

[52] Piercing:

- my ears when i was like 8

[53] Best friend:

- idk i think my neighbour Sadia was my first friend i remember?

[54] Sport:

- first sport? whats that even mean.. idk haha i used to be on volleyball/soccer teams i guess

[55] Vacation:

- i think it was probably a road trip to Banff

[56] Pair of trainers:

- ?? are trainers “shoes”??

RIGHT NOW…

[57] Eating:

- i just had rice lmao

[58] Drinking:

- more water!! HYDRATE

[59] I’m about to:

- take a shower

[60] Listening to:

- GUYS IM STILL LISTENING TO PTV fhsja but its “stay away from my friends” WHICH THEY PLAYED LIVE AND IM gETTING FEELINGS

[61] Waiting for:

- my mum to get out of the wash fjaskdl

[62] Want:

- my peach :///

[63] Get married:

- maybe ya

[64] Career:

- whats that

[65] Hugs or kisses:

- Bothbothboth

[66] Lips or eyes:

- idk both r nice yall

[67] Shorter or taller:

- idk both have pros/cons

[68] Older or younger:

- age is weird

[69] Romantic or spontaneous:

- ah idk what the difference is why not both haha

[70] Nice arms or nice stomach:

- uhm ?

[71] Sensitive or loud:

- me? both. haha

[72] Hook up or relationship:

- how do you expect me to even know i

[73] Troublemaker or hesitant:

- idk if this is about me but.. i could be either. depends on the time

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] Kissed a stranger?

- nah

[75] Drank hard liquor?

- yah

[76] Lost glasses/contact lenses?

- yesm

[77] Turned someone down:

- yep

[78] Sex on first date?

- idk

[79] Broken someone’s heart?

- apparently

[80] Had your own heart broken?

- im dead inside so

[81] Been arrested?

- no

[82] Cried when someone died?

- yes im not that dead

[83] Fallen for a friend:

- yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] Yourself?

- i try my best.

[85] Miracles?

- this is too vague and what do i know tbh

[86] Love at first sight?

- yea

[87] Santa Claus?

- can we fuckin not m8

[88] Kiss on the first date?

- ok sure

[89] Angels?

- yea

OTHER…

[90] Current best friend’s name:

- ...

[91] Eye colour:

- its like gold/brown (sometimes greenish) with grey sides so like.. idk.. hazely?

[92] Favorite movie: so many studio ghibli films ahhh